Take That! Ka-Pow!!!

I've been working on this creative nonfiction piece for a contest that's coming up. Then something Grayson said to me yesterday, really got me pysched to write this blog. First, the piece is about my experience as a young mother. Learning your pregnant at 19 is life changing. It also comes with stares, whispers, flat out insults and prejudice.

I looked even younger than 19. It was still no excuse for the horrible treatment that I endured while walking around with my brand. I felt branded. My ever-growing belly felt like a brand. I went to all of my doctor appointments and I did everything that was expected of me yet I was treated as though I was incompetent and incapable of raising a child. I remember using the negativity to my advantage. I knew one day I would look back on my experience and scoff at the disbelievers. Today, I scoff.

Grayson informed me yesterday of his desire to study history. He wants to be a history professor and focus on WWII. I felt proud in that moment. I like that he thinks about his future and I like it even more that he loves learning. I'm sure that his career of choice will change many times over. I'm great with that. I want him to be interested in many things and I want him to constantly find new areas of interest. I hope he goes to college as both his father and I did. We finished even with his surprising arrival. If the day comes and he decides to venture into the world minus that piece of paper, I'll live as long as he has a passion and desire to succeed in his endeavors. I want him to continue on this road that he so happily strolled along. He hates to see a tree unearthed from its rightly home and he seems plagued by issues that greatly impact our society. He is more than willing to help another child that struggles academically and he always makes a point to treat a disabled classmate like everyone else. He shows indifference to race, gender, sexuality and spirituality. My child, the child that carried for nine months, the child that some felt I was too young to be having, is thoughtful, inquisitive, polite, open-minded, bright and most importantly, happy. Yes, I was young but no, I was not destined to be a horrible parent. Age does not determine the type of parent one might be. It just doesn't. So, take that! I say this to all those that looked down on me and to all those that look down on other young parents. Life happens and all actions have outcomes. My outcome was a child and he's wonderful. Ka-pow! He's wonderful and will not grow up to be hateful, judgemental, snide and/or contemptible. He's well on his way to being the great man that I know he will become.

Medical Bills: The Nazi of Bills

I hate medical bills. No, I really, really despise medical bills. It's not that I like any bills. I dislike them all though I believe medical bills are the lowest of the low. They are like Hitler. He just seems to be the most evil of those that believed in totalitarianism. He was the worst. Well, medical bills are the worst and they can destroy lives of even those that are insured. I began thinking about this subject following my grandfather's stay in the hospital and following a conversation I had with a friend who recently gabe birth seven weeks early. It can keep a person up at night. It can make them dread the trip to the mailbox. It can cause one to feel helpless and unsure of how to handle such debt. I have had some personal experience with medical bills though I have been fortunate enough to come out mostly unscathed. There are ways to keep your sanity and there simple steps a person can take in order to feel a little more in control.

You should always know your benefits. Read that hefty book the insurance company sends you. It might make all the difference. Don't think that just because you pay for your insurance that somehow everything will just be taken care of. It doesn't work that way. Be your own advocate because nobody else is going to look out for you. Once I had to fight to get my son a certain allergy medication. Luckily, I had read the book (I know it almost seems like I'm referring to The Bible). I knew that he had to try the other allergy medications before the insurance would pay for the new allergy medication. He tried them all and none worked. He wasn't even in elementary school and it was horrible to see him feeling under the weather at least 9 months out of the year. Well, I knew that once the doctor signed off on the new medication and verified that my son had tried all other covered allergy medications, our insurance would have to pay for the new medication. Let me tell you that I had to stay on the phone for hours and go from person to person to make it happen. I made it happen. Believe me, it was not pretty but I was right and I knew I was right. I had it in writing even though several people with my insurance company tried to tell me that I was wrong. Guess what, he got his medicine and guess what else, I paid a co-pay and nothing more.

Following a hospital stay, you should always request an itemized bill. See what you are being charged for. You might be surprised to see that there are medications you never received or procedures that never took place. It happens a lot more than you might think. Hospitals send out countless bills and errors happen. One error might cost you BIG.

Make sure to read the statements that come from your insurance carrier. Read them. Don't scan them or glance over them, READ them. Regardless of being covered by a private carrier such as BCBS or Medicaid or Medicare, you need to read your statements. Years ago, following the birth of my first son, I became a victim of double billing. It was horrible. I knew my insurance had paid for the many tests that I had had due to preeclampsia. I knew because I read the statements. This company that I will not name, but I really, really want to name, continued to send bill after bill (killing God knows how many trees) and made threatening call after threatening call. I pay my bills. I paid my bills. The thought of being categorized as a deadbeat was almost too much to bear. I think they knew that. I also think they knew that I would pay because I feared my credit being ruined or my name being tarnished. I didn't pay. I was young but I was not stupid and was not going to be manipulated. I got on the phone and called anyone and everyone that would listen. I was twenty and quite capable of making good use of a phone book. I don't remember the woman I talked to and I don't even remember who she worked for but I do remember the outcome. I had talked to many, many people that day and finally this one woman listened to me. I told her everything. She told me not to worry about it and she would take care of it. Less than an hour later, she called back and told me it was taken care of. The calls stopped as did the killing of the trees. I do know she worked for some government office. I wish remembered but again I was twenty and was happy to have it taken care of. Today, I would have filed that woman's name and number away. Just know that this goes on. It happened to my grandfather some years ago and he too eventually got it to stop. It is very sad that this goes on but again you can take a stand and show you will not be one of those that gives in. I do worry about those that are terminally ill and just can't fight anymore. It's just another reason for those can fight to fight.

Let your insurance carrier and the hospital work things out before you open your wallet. Eight hours after having my second child, a woman with a clipboard came into my room and asked, "Will that be cash, check or charge?" I was dumbfounded. Maybe it was the drugs but I'm pretty sure it was just good ole' fashioned shock. They wanted close to $1400 right there. I had not even left yet. I had another day to go before I could leave. It didn't make sense. I told her to bill me. My bill came and it was not $1400. I think it was $1200. Hey, I'm glad I got to keep my $200. I also made a phone call to the hospital billing department and requested to be put on a no interest payment plan. I wasn't going to charge $1200 and I wasn't going to shell out $1200 cash. I paid it off in less than two years and I didn't have to worry about it. I was told congratulations the day I paid my last payment. I thought that was funny until realized so many people don't pay their medical bills but many aren't dead-beats, they just need to put food on the table and give up on their astronomical sized, Nazi of a medical bill.

Don't give up when you have a credit. If a hospital or a physician's office owes YOU money, then you need to get your money. Don't be fooled by the "We only cut checks at the middle or end of the month." Trust me, the middle or the end of the month will come and in all likelihood your check won't. Once I had a credit that I didn't even know about. I learned of it almost two years later. Wow! They had my money for two years. I should have asked for interest. Following my second child's birth, I had yet another credit but this time I found out exactly a year later when I went for my yearly physical. It took me three months to get a check for close to $200. I felt like sending them remittance letters. Man, that would have been hilarious. Maybe I'll do that next time. Point being, they want their money right away but they will take their sweet time getting your money back to you. Again, nobody is looking out for you but you.

These are just a few basic things one can do to at least feel somewhat in control. Everyone has debt just as everyone has bills, but often times it's those medical bills that leave people out in the cold. Literally, they leave people out in the cold because they lose their house or sell their house because they just can't afford it following an illness or accident. Life is expensive but it's better than the alternative. Be prepared, be smart and be strong. Those bills don't have to get the best of you.

Dear John

It seems when the media is not covering Tiger Woods and his many, many indiscretions (oh boy, was it many), they are focusing on John Edwards. Well, I thought I liked John Edwards and now I only feel contempt for the man. He lied. Actually, he had lied on countless occasions about his affair. He's a politician, so yeah, I'm sure he has done his share of lying before the whole, I didn't cheat, I cheated but it wasn't serious, I cheated but I didn't father a child, I cheated and I had a child with my lover, debacle. Anyone who has read All the King's Men gets it. It happens all the time. People, we don't live in the days of George Washington. Our voices quickly get drowned out by promises of money, power, and did I mention money? They go to Washington with high hopes and leave richer and wondering what they initially went there to do. When they get back to their home state mansions, they laugh it up and write their memoirs with dollar signs in their eyes. Stepping down off of my soap box, I return to the subject of John and his mistress, who by the way has horrible tastes in clothing. Have you seen the picture of her with the star on her sweater? Nice. Look, I was fortunate enough to hear Elizabeth Edwards speak at my college graduation. She was amazing. The woman is strong and intelligent and I believe good. I hate to see that some are blaming her for her husband's inability to take responsibility for his actions. She doesn't have to accept what happened. I'm sorry but she doesn't. The baby is innocent, yes, but it's not her baby as she has had her children. It was never her place to right her husband's wrong. It was the place of her husband and his mistress to accept they had a child together and embrace the child. John Edwards needed to step up and be a man. I do not believe that he was thinking of his wife when he made the decision to deny his child. He wasn't thinking of his wife before when he had an affair. Truth is, he went to great lengths to keep his affair and child secret. Don't even get me started on Andrew Young, the man that agreed to say HE had the affair and HE fathered the child. He's just as low in my book. Speaking of books, I won't be buying his tell all if it ever gets published. I think he got enough money when he was paid off to lie. It's just sad. The whole situation is sad. The seven children that are involved are the ones I feel most sorry for. I'm speaking of the four Edwards children, including the newest member and then there are the three children of Andrew Young. They are branded and they themselves did nothing wrong.

As far as Elizabeth Edwards, I think she has had more tragedy in her life than most will face. I don't pity her because I think that diminishes her strength. I envy her because she has continued to hold her head high and kept going. She didn't fall apart or at least she hasn't fallen apart before the eyes of the world. She wrote a book but she never mentioned the mistress. I think that was a sign of who she is. She could bash the woman that went after her husband and she could bash the man that broke her heart. She hasn't. I'm not going to bash them either accept for that little remark about the sweater. The rest is true. John Edwards lied. He needs to fix his family. He needs to be there for his children and he needs to start respecting the woman who had a great hand in his accomplishments and who took the high road.

Dear John,

Your life in politics is over. You no longer need to worry about the voters. You need to invest all of your time making up to those you wronged, your family. You made a lot of mistakes that only you can make up for. It's not your wife's job to foster a relationship between your newest child and your other children. It's your job. It's time to be a man. Good luck and I hope you succeed.

P.S. If you know Tiger, please inform him that hiding in a clinic does not make up for what he did to his wife and children. Claiming to be a sex addict does not get him off the hook and right his wrongs. Again, much luck in repairing your family.

But I Neeeeed It

I've started a new thing. I'm budgeting. Why? I thought it was about time. I began wondering how much I could save if I decided to forgo that Starbucks cup of coffee or that wrapping paper that happens to be on super sale. I've curbed my trips to Target and Gap and sadly to Starbucks. It's working. By God, it is really working. Money isn't growing on trees but it suddenly seems like I have more of it. Several days ago, I went into Gap for the first time in almost a month. I came out empty handed. Yes, I found a pair of beautiful black jeans that fit magnificently. I talked myself out of them. It was a proud moment. I also managed to tear myself away from both Baby Gap and Gap Kids with a sense of accomplishment. Usually, I leave there feeling overwhelmed with buyers remorse. My children have more clothes than they know what to do with. I have more clothes than I know what to do with. I think I was somewhat hooked on the rush that I got following a shopping spree. It's sad when you find yourself feeling excited about the gift bag you found on an end cap that happens to be 90% off. Did I need the gift bag? Was there even a birthday in my near future? Usually, no. Instead I would put the gift bag with the rest of my gift bags and then forget about it. I have countless stories like the gift bag story. Replace the gift bag with a candle, a teeny tiny frame that requires a picture to be hacked to death, a ginormous frame that would take up an entire wall, a shirt that looked better on the rack, socks for my 10 year old (like he cares), dvds that are still wrapped in plastic, note cards (I have a drawer that is full of them), Christmas gifts for the next Christmas, and my own personal kryptonite, Gap clothing. I love Gap. Love it. I love the clearance section. I love when they give an extra % off the clearance section. Do I need another sweater? Does Grayson need another shirt that is two shirts in one? Does Daniel need more button down shirts? Does Jake need more pajamas? Okay, no Jake does not need more pajamas but as I was writing that very sentence, I couldn't help but think of a pair that I really want to get him for Easter. They're also super soft. See, I'm doing it again. He doesn't need the pajamas. He has 8 pairs of pajamas. I now feel ashamed after writing that number. He does not need anymore pajamas. The madness stops here.

I started thinking about college. I want to be able to put my kids through college which might include more than the undergraduate years. If I can't, what am I going to tell them? I don't think it will go over well when I say, "Grayson, I can't pay for school but here are some pictures of you in that awesome outfit I bought for your 10th b-day party." or "Jake, I'm sorry about the whole college thing, but at least you had really fashionable pajamas. Did I mention they were soft?" It's utter insanity.

Today, I really enjoyed my cup of coffee that did not come from Starbucks. It tasted sweet, almost of perfection. I think it was a combination of Italian Cream and the satisfaction in knowing I didn't pay $4.30 for it. Next time you go to throw that lovely set of photo albums into your cart (you know, the ones that probably won't get any pictures put in them), just ask yourself one question: Do I need it? Chances are, you only want it or if you want to stoop to a seven year old's rationalization, you neeeeeed it, meaning you only want it. Plant that money tree and one day you might have an entire forest. Note to self, I think I like the sound of that.

Loving Some Sam Isaac & Spoon

This is short and sweet. I downloaded some pretty awesome music after watching a "Chuck" episode. Here are the songs:

Sam Isaac- "Bears"
Spoon- "Got Nuffin"

That's all for today.

I'll Have More Meat Loaf

It's been seventeen years since the day my mother and father decided their marriage was not working. January 14th was the anniversary of the day my parents told me they were getting a divorce. I always think that maybe that day will come and go and that helpless feeling followed by the flashback won't haunt me. It has yet to happen. I don't wish for my parents to get back together and I don't blame them for what happened. I do often wonder how two people can be in love and together for such a long time and then find they're not in love anymore and go their separate ways. My parents were together for around sixteen years including the time they dated. My father took my mother to her senior prom. Today, they don't speak and the only connection they have to one another is me. They had this life that just stopped existing. The joint bank account, the house, the cars, the pets, the dinners around the kitchen table, the vacations, the same friends, the in-laws and the kid, were no longer shared together. One life became two lives and that was that. Two people that once shared the same home no longer even shared the same zip code. Court dates, custody and child support hearings and every other weekend became the norm. Two lives.

My parents went on to find happiness with others and for that I am grateful. I went on to become normal or for the most part normal. I don't blame the divorce for any of my shortcomings. I don't think it was for the best; I know it was for the best. In their case, two lives was much better than one. It's funny that I can still recount the exact day and they can't. I guess they finally moved on and perhaps they don't blame one another for everything including a rainy day or a headache caused by nothing more than sinuses. I was forever changed on that day and I guess that's why I can't seem to get through it without a sense of loss. A life ended that day. Everything that symbolized that life was sold or split in half, that is with one exception....me. They have a thirty year old reminder of what they once shared. And that reminder hasn't forgotten nor will she ever forget.

There was good before there was bad. Who knew that Meat Loaf's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" would be a song that I would hold dear to my heart. It's a memory, you know of the life that once was. It came on the radio and my parents started singing to one another and they were obviously happy. I thought it was kind of crazy but I was seven and also enjoyed watching them as they made fools of themselves. They loved one another in that moment and that makes me smile. My parents didn't find themselves "praying for the end of time" because time just gave out. I'll continue to smile whenever I hear that song and I'll also keep that prom picture, the one of of my father in a blue tux and my mother in a dress that her mother made, stored safely away. January 14th wasn't a good day but there were good days. Every time I look in the mirror I know that I represent one of those days. So, I say thank you, Momma and Daddy for giving me some fantastic memories and pretty hilarious photographs and thank you, Meat Loaf for an awesome song that will forever have a place on my ipod.

Update to the post Ma & Pa

I recently wrote a blog called Ma & Pa. I talked about how I used to hug my grandparents and then somewhere down the line, I stopped. Well, I resolved to begin hugging them again after our visits. Last Wednesday, just before I left their house, I gave both of them a hug. Last night, my grandfather was in a horrible car accident. The doctors were unsure if he was going to make it as his injuries were severe. Today, he is laughing and talking and on the way to making a full recovery. In less than 12 hours he went from being near death to a patient who gets to go home in the next day or so. It is a miracle. When I got the call that he had been in an accident, my first thought was about the hug. I was so thankful I had given that hug. Life is uncertain and you should always let your loved ones and your friends know how much you care about them. If you ever get that awful call, you will be so thankful you shared that precious moment.

NBC, You Let Me Be

Dr. Seuss, Thomas and Sesame Street are part of my everyday life. It's funny how my child's tastes in tv and reading has influenced my thinking. Today, I had what I thought was a very hilarious thought. For some reason, I began to think of NBC as Sam I Am. You know, from Green Eggs and Ham. I know this book well as Grayson loved it and now Jake loves it. It seems as though you can't escape the Leno/Conan talk. It's everywhere. The radio, the tv, and magazines. EVERYWHERE! Nevermind the war, health care, Haiti, New Orleans (yeah, I said it. It's still pretty bad), homelessness, hunger, the job market, blood sucking credit card companies(you heard me, Bank of America), the criminal justice system ("Law and Order" and "CSI" aren't the norm. Criminals are everywhere)... speaking of everywhere... where was I? Oh yes, Leno and Conan and the news surrounding them. So, now that everyone knows I have not forgot about the real news, I'm going to continue with my thought. NBC as Sam I Am. I was not for the whole Leno on prime time. Why? First, he's (insert shoulder shrug and curled lip) okay. Second, "Chuck" almost lost a prime time slot because of Leno and I love "Chuck." Well, well, NBC, seems as though you're loving "Chuck" now. He not only needs to save the world from week to week but he needs to keep NBC up and running. Oh, how they really screwed things up. Had NBC (Sam I Am) not tried to force feed me Leno (Green Eggs and Ham), during primetime hours, then perhaps they wouldn't be in this mess. I'm a mom and I go to bed early and don't watch late night television. I do however watch television at 10 and I just want good old FICTION. I really don't need to see rich celebrities and hear jokes about rich celebrities. I can only assume that NBC thought that in the end, us viewers would shout to the heavens how we love Leno and would watch him in car and on a plane and on a train and with a mouse and in a house... you get it. It didn't work. Well, maybe Conan will find his way back to "The Simpsons." It's still pretty funny but something tells me it could return to its glory days with Conan's wit. Hey, maybe he'll find a home on Fox and live happily ever after. Wait, he can always just use a million dollar bill to wipe away his tears (I know that there is no such thing but I'm going somewhere with this). I can't feel but so bad for the guy. He is a millionaire and he'll live. As for Leno, I have no words. Actually, yeah, I do. Liar, liar, pants on fire. There goes that mommy sphere tightening around me again. Oh well, I got my point across.

Forget Reality

My last post was quite a dose of reality. I decided my next post needed to be fun and nothing more. So, here it is. I'm not a big fan of reality television. I feel as though I get reality on a daily basis. You know, seeing as how I'm alive and all. I am not one of those that enjoy watching reality television in order to feel better about my own life because usually I only come away feeling A. Ashamed for watching the reality show. B. Full of hatred for those that are on the show because they seem to be a waste of space. C. Confused because I can't figure out why the show was supposed to be entertaining in the first place. D. Saddened because those on the show lead me to wonder what is happening to mankind. E. All of the above. I think that there are some great shows on television right now that don't include Simon Cowell, dancing, unintelligable talking that requires captions at the bottom of the screen, cook offs, Jon & Kate (yes, I once watched this show until their reality made me want to seek therapy), men and women who are famous for some unknown reason, and those that are willing to humiliate themselves for a quick buck. Here are a few shows that are entertaining and worth the space on my dvr. I will not go in to detail about The Office because I don't need to.

Modern Family, ABC, 9, Wednesdays, I laugh out loud every week.

Chuck, NBC, 8, Mondays, It's now season 3 and I'm so happy NBC got a clue and moved Leno back to his time slot in order to bring the show back sooner. I love the music, the wit and the characters.

White Collar, USA, 10, Tuesdays, This show is quite funny and the premise is not tiresome. It's found a home on my tv.

Burn Notice, USA, 10, Thursdays, This show has been on a while and it continues to keep me watching. Very action packed though still makes you laugh.

Scrubs Med School, ABC, 9, Tuesdays, I've always been a fan of Scrubs and I have found that I enjoy this new cast almost as much as the old. Some of the old characters are still on the show which makes it a must see. I also tend to download a lot of the music from this show.

Parks and Recreation, NBC, 8:30, Thursdays, I've watched this show since the beginning and let me say that this season has been awesome. I hope this show stays on because it is hilarious. I have quoted several lines from this season.

Community, NBC, 8, Thursdays, I wasn't sure if I was going to like this show. I guess I wasn't sure about the premise but the writers have pulled it off as well as the actors. I think every episode gets better and better and it never hurts to have Jack Black as a guest star.

Men of a Certain Age, TNT, 10, Mondays, I literally just started watching this show this week. I found that I really enjoyed it. Though it has a serious nature at times, it still manages to make you laugh. Well done, TNT.

A few shows that aren't on right now but coming back:

Royal Pains, USA, I think the premise of this show is just fantastic. I know the doctor stuff is probably not possible in real life but it still makes for great entertainment. I also think the characters are super funny and just plain likeable.

In Plain Sight, USA, I like how there is a new character every week and though it is another "crime drama", it's still different. A female U.S. Marshall that is a smart a** and good with a gun. I like it. USA has got it going on when it comes to some programming.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, FX, This show is crazy. The characters are deplorable and the lowest of the low but still they are wonderfully written and the funniest of the funniest. Do I feel horrible for laughing at their jokes? For a brief second and then I go back to laughing.

Happy watching!!!

Mommy Needs Crazy/Krazy Glue

I used to cry in the shower. It wasn't hysterical crying but it was a steady stream of tears. I would get out and pretend to be making it. The tears went down the drain and with them went the evidence of my impending breakdown. I wasn't new at being a mom though Grayson was almost eight when Jake was born. I guess I was rusty at the whole mommy to a baby thing. At first, I thought I was simply sleep deprived and feeling a little unsure of my future aside from being a mom. Jake turned one and little did I know that I was already sinking but not realizing it. I went day to day and did what was needed and asked of me. I found joy when I got to sleep with only two interruptions instead of four and I found bliss when I got to shop at Target, Gap or the array of online stores that are a click away. It was sad. I then threw myself into the Holidays which meant shopping and decorating. December 25th came and went and my life became anxiety's chew toy. Panic attack after panic attack pounded me as though I was the shore to its ocean. The crying stopped and nervousness began. Nothing made me happy and I couldn't even find peace in my dreams because I was still getting up several times a night. Jake was doing better but still not sleeping through the night. I loved my kids and that was never a question but I began to think "what if". What if I lose touch with reality. What if I become like the woman in the short story, The Yellow Wallpaper. What if nobody understands. What if I never get back the person I once was. What if I always think like this? What if, what if, what if... People didn't know. Those closest to me really didn't know. To look at me, one would have no idea what chaos was brewing in my head. Sometimes, I believed my brain might just jump from my skull and run away. Just run away and never return. I had to get control but wasn't sure how. I didn't think it could be postpartum depression because Jake was almost one and a half. I began working on my novel, what I went to college to do. I had come up with the concept a year before but found it to be too daunting to work on. I dove into the writing and I believe the anxiety loosened it fangs. Then I found a friend who stayed home and had a baby. We began walking three times a week. She understood. She didn't flinch when I told her that I was concerned about literally going mad. I truly thought I might become one of Poe's characters. It was that bad. I'm thinking House of Usher, people. I also started a daily regimen of taking B vitamins. B-12 and B-6 were supposed to help with moods and nervousness. I also cut out all caffeine. Six months later I found myself free of the attacks and with fewer unrealistic thoughts. We were walking five days a week and my novel was flowing. I could look at my kids and smile again. I mean really smile. A smile that didn't have worries attached. A year has passed. My novel is done. The thoughts have no place in my head anymore. Looking back, I think it was postpartum depression. It was something unhealthy and capable of ruining my existance along with shattering my family. I was lucky and didn't need prescription drugs but that's not always the case. I'm not jumping on a couch, calling people glib, and bashing Brook Shields. Every person is different as is every "demon". My little naughty demon is under lock and key. I'm sure he's still there but he's not getting out on my watch. So, I end this rant or divulgence with this: I think you have to know when to help yourself because no matter how much people love you, only you know what's in your head. There are those that fall apart and those that have heard of krazy glue.

The Power of Olivia Newton-John

This has to be quick as I'm really running behind today. Before the Holidays, Thanksgiving included, I was doing an excellent job of working out. I walk five days a week and have been doing that for a year now. Well, in September I added jogging three days a week on top of my walking. I was so proud of myself until November came and I got sick and we went out of town and the kids got sick and Thanksgiving hit and then the whole Christmas rush. And, and, and. I continued my walking through the holidays but my awesome added workout did not last. Today was the day. I got my workout clothes on, updated my play list and got to work. Thank you Olivia Newton-John. Yes, you've read correctly. I said it. Olivia Newton-John. I love the 80's. Just because I went from being a baby to a fifth grader in the 80's does not mean that I don't know the music and movie culture of that time. Well, there was a movie that I remembered with Olivia Newton John and John Travolta. No, people. I'm not talking about Grease and that was in the 70's. So there. I'm talking about Two of a Kind. It wasn't famous though all of these years later, I still remember the theme song. I downloaded Twist of Fate and thus it became one of my workout tunes. Something about the song kept me moving and for that I am thankful. Make fun if you will. I did my workout today. Did you?

Wedding Frenzy

Late last night, after Jake seemed to be waking up and Daniel was snoring, I decided to watch a little TLC. I have never watched Say Yes To The Dress but I have to admit I have watched Bridezillas on many occassions (horrible, I know). I don't know why in the world I subject myself to such idiocy and nastiness. We all know what Bridezillas is about, well, just that. Horrible women who think they are queens because they happen to be getting married. BIG DEAL. Say Yes To The Dress had fewer wreched women though I thought some of them should be smothered with the veils they thought were too short or the sashes they thought were "hideous". I got to thinking about my own wedding and the upcoming weddings I already have on the calendar for this summer. I went to sleep with weddings in my head and awoke around 3:45 pondering this one question: Is it the greatest day of your life? I would have to say that it is not. No. Noooooo. Honestly, I did not come to that conclusion because I was aggravated at the fact that I was again up much sooner than I would have liked. It's just an honest and very genuine reality for me and I think many. I have been married for almost eleven years and though my wedding day was beautiful, it was far from the greatest day of my life. Daniel and I have had some wonderful days together and have shared far more memorable moments since that one day. That's right. One day. Not even a day. More like a few hours. Saying your wedding day is the greatest day of your life is like saying high school was the best time in your life. I alway laugh and die a little inside when people say that high school was the best time in their life. How could that be? You have so much to experience after high school. A life that is just waiting to be lived. A wedding day is like those four years in high school. It's stressful, has some glimmers of greatness, causes acne, and might give one some good pictures to remember it by. I'm not sure what the greatest day of my life will be but I know for a fact it won't be my wedding day. It doesn't even rank in my top ten. Thank goodness. That would be sad. At least for me, it would be sad. To anyone getting married and reading this: Don't let your wedding day be THE day. Make it great, be thankful to those around you who want to experience such a day with you and most of all, be excited about the future. Your day is in there, somewhere. It's just waiting to be given the label of Greatest Day of Your Life!

Ma & Pa

Yes, I call my grandparents Ma and Pa. When I was little I couldn't say Grandma and Grandpa so I shortened it. Pa at times is aggravated by the name as he says he is not some "hillbilly." Unfortunatly for him, pretty much all of the family and my friends call him Pa. He's not William, W.T. or Bill; he's Pa. Moving on. I awoke very early this morning as Jake piped up at 5:45. Then my diva cat, Farrah, had to use her litter box. It's in the garage and that is another story. She's trained and tends to be very good about using it. Well, sleep no longer seemed possible. For some reason, I began to think about my Ma and Pa and my visit with them on Wednesday. I go to their house every Wednesday and stay a few hours. I realized something. I don't hug or kiss them goodbye anymore. I'm not sure when that stopped. I know I did it through high school. I'm pretty sure that I did it after Grayson was born. Was it my early twenties? Maybe that period when I was having a bit of a quarterlife crisis (it was bad and I feel ashamed that I had one). I know it stopped before Jake was born. Why? Did I suddenly think I was too old to give them a hug and a peck on the cheek? I have to remedy this. From now on, I will at least hug them when I leave. Thinking about it, perhaps I thought of my grandparents after watching Jake last night. He kept running to a picture of Daniel's grandparents and staring at it. He would smile and let out a slight giggle. It's not a funny picture just a picture of them smiling back. We now only have pictures and memories to remember them by and maybe, just maybe, I want to have the best memories possible of my grandparents. They're Ma and Pa. They're my Ma and Pa. Just something to think about for all those out there that have a Ma and Pa or Mama and Poppop or Mam and Pap or Mi and Pa or Mimi and a Pop or Grammy and Pappy or Nana and Papa or your traditional Grandma and Grandpa (I'm not faulting you for your lack of creativity). A kiss or a hug won't kill you. You'll be happy you did.