It's been a while. I've been working hard on my novel in hopes of being able to apply for a fellowship that has a deadline quickly approaching. I downloaded three new songs today and thought I would share.
Sing-Travis (Heard on "The Office")
Set the Fire to the Third Bar-Snow Patrol & Martha Wainwright (song played in the Dear John trailer
Hesitate-Steve Moakler (Heard in the Feb. 4th episode of "Private Practice")
Until next time.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
Take That! Ka-Pow!!!
I've been working on this creative nonfiction piece for a contest that's coming up. Then something Grayson said to me yesterday, really got me pysched to write this blog. First, the piece is about my experience as a young mother. Learning your pregnant at 19 is life changing. It also comes with stares, whispers, flat out insults and prejudice.
I looked even younger than 19. It was still no excuse for the horrible treatment that I endured while walking around with my brand. I felt branded. My ever-growing belly felt like a brand. I went to all of my doctor appointments and I did everything that was expected of me yet I was treated as though I was incompetent and incapable of raising a child. I remember using the negativity to my advantage. I knew one day I would look back on my experience and scoff at the disbelievers. Today, I scoff.
Grayson informed me yesterday of his desire to study history. He wants to be a history professor and focus on WWII. I felt proud in that moment. I like that he thinks about his future and I like it even more that he loves learning. I'm sure that his career of choice will change many times over. I'm great with that. I want him to be interested in many things and I want him to constantly find new areas of interest. I hope he goes to college as both his father and I did. We finished even with his surprising arrival. If the day comes and he decides to venture into the world minus that piece of paper, I'll live as long as he has a passion and desire to succeed in his endeavors. I want him to continue on this road that he so happily strolled along. He hates to see a tree unearthed from its rightly home and he seems plagued by issues that greatly impact our society. He is more than willing to help another child that struggles academically and he always makes a point to treat a disabled classmate like everyone else. He shows indifference to race, gender, sexuality and spirituality. My child, the child that carried for nine months, the child that some felt I was too young to be having, is thoughtful, inquisitive, polite, open-minded, bright and most importantly, happy. Yes, I was young but no, I was not destined to be a horrible parent. Age does not determine the type of parent one might be. It just doesn't. So, take that! I say this to all those that looked down on me and to all those that look down on other young parents. Life happens and all actions have outcomes. My outcome was a child and he's wonderful. Ka-pow! He's wonderful and will not grow up to be hateful, judgemental, snide and/or contemptible. He's well on his way to being the great man that I know he will become.
I looked even younger than 19. It was still no excuse for the horrible treatment that I endured while walking around with my brand. I felt branded. My ever-growing belly felt like a brand. I went to all of my doctor appointments and I did everything that was expected of me yet I was treated as though I was incompetent and incapable of raising a child. I remember using the negativity to my advantage. I knew one day I would look back on my experience and scoff at the disbelievers. Today, I scoff.
Grayson informed me yesterday of his desire to study history. He wants to be a history professor and focus on WWII. I felt proud in that moment. I like that he thinks about his future and I like it even more that he loves learning. I'm sure that his career of choice will change many times over. I'm great with that. I want him to be interested in many things and I want him to constantly find new areas of interest. I hope he goes to college as both his father and I did. We finished even with his surprising arrival. If the day comes and he decides to venture into the world minus that piece of paper, I'll live as long as he has a passion and desire to succeed in his endeavors. I want him to continue on this road that he so happily strolled along. He hates to see a tree unearthed from its rightly home and he seems plagued by issues that greatly impact our society. He is more than willing to help another child that struggles academically and he always makes a point to treat a disabled classmate like everyone else. He shows indifference to race, gender, sexuality and spirituality. My child, the child that carried for nine months, the child that some felt I was too young to be having, is thoughtful, inquisitive, polite, open-minded, bright and most importantly, happy. Yes, I was young but no, I was not destined to be a horrible parent. Age does not determine the type of parent one might be. It just doesn't. So, take that! I say this to all those that looked down on me and to all those that look down on other young parents. Life happens and all actions have outcomes. My outcome was a child and he's wonderful. Ka-pow! He's wonderful and will not grow up to be hateful, judgemental, snide and/or contemptible. He's well on his way to being the great man that I know he will become.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Medical Bills: The Nazi of Bills
I hate medical bills. No, I really, really despise medical bills. It's not that I like any bills. I dislike them all though I believe medical bills are the lowest of the low. They are like Hitler. He just seems to be the most evil of those that believed in totalitarianism. He was the worst. Well, medical bills are the worst and they can destroy lives of even those that are insured. I began thinking about this subject following my grandfather's stay in the hospital and following a conversation I had with a friend who recently gabe birth seven weeks early. It can keep a person up at night. It can make them dread the trip to the mailbox. It can cause one to feel helpless and unsure of how to handle such debt. I have had some personal experience with medical bills though I have been fortunate enough to come out mostly unscathed. There are ways to keep your sanity and there simple steps a person can take in order to feel a little more in control.
You should always know your benefits. Read that hefty book the insurance company sends you. It might make all the difference. Don't think that just because you pay for your insurance that somehow everything will just be taken care of. It doesn't work that way. Be your own advocate because nobody else is going to look out for you. Once I had to fight to get my son a certain allergy medication. Luckily, I had read the book (I know it almost seems like I'm referring to The Bible). I knew that he had to try the other allergy medications before the insurance would pay for the new allergy medication. He tried them all and none worked. He wasn't even in elementary school and it was horrible to see him feeling under the weather at least 9 months out of the year. Well, I knew that once the doctor signed off on the new medication and verified that my son had tried all other covered allergy medications, our insurance would have to pay for the new medication. Let me tell you that I had to stay on the phone for hours and go from person to person to make it happen. I made it happen. Believe me, it was not pretty but I was right and I knew I was right. I had it in writing even though several people with my insurance company tried to tell me that I was wrong. Guess what, he got his medicine and guess what else, I paid a co-pay and nothing more.
Following a hospital stay, you should always request an itemized bill. See what you are being charged for. You might be surprised to see that there are medications you never received or procedures that never took place. It happens a lot more than you might think. Hospitals send out countless bills and errors happen. One error might cost you BIG.
Make sure to read the statements that come from your insurance carrier. Read them. Don't scan them or glance over them, READ them. Regardless of being covered by a private carrier such as BCBS or Medicaid or Medicare, you need to read your statements. Years ago, following the birth of my first son, I became a victim of double billing. It was horrible. I knew my insurance had paid for the many tests that I had had due to preeclampsia. I knew because I read the statements. This company that I will not name, but I really, really want to name, continued to send bill after bill (killing God knows how many trees) and made threatening call after threatening call. I pay my bills. I paid my bills. The thought of being categorized as a deadbeat was almost too much to bear. I think they knew that. I also think they knew that I would pay because I feared my credit being ruined or my name being tarnished. I didn't pay. I was young but I was not stupid and was not going to be manipulated. I got on the phone and called anyone and everyone that would listen. I was twenty and quite capable of making good use of a phone book. I don't remember the woman I talked to and I don't even remember who she worked for but I do remember the outcome. I had talked to many, many people that day and finally this one woman listened to me. I told her everything. She told me not to worry about it and she would take care of it. Less than an hour later, she called back and told me it was taken care of. The calls stopped as did the killing of the trees. I do know she worked for some government office. I wish remembered but again I was twenty and was happy to have it taken care of. Today, I would have filed that woman's name and number away. Just know that this goes on. It happened to my grandfather some years ago and he too eventually got it to stop. It is very sad that this goes on but again you can take a stand and show you will not be one of those that gives in. I do worry about those that are terminally ill and just can't fight anymore. It's just another reason for those can fight to fight.
Let your insurance carrier and the hospital work things out before you open your wallet. Eight hours after having my second child, a woman with a clipboard came into my room and asked, "Will that be cash, check or charge?" I was dumbfounded. Maybe it was the drugs but I'm pretty sure it was just good ole' fashioned shock. They wanted close to $1400 right there. I had not even left yet. I had another day to go before I could leave. It didn't make sense. I told her to bill me. My bill came and it was not $1400. I think it was $1200. Hey, I'm glad I got to keep my $200. I also made a phone call to the hospital billing department and requested to be put on a no interest payment plan. I wasn't going to charge $1200 and I wasn't going to shell out $1200 cash. I paid it off in less than two years and I didn't have to worry about it. I was told congratulations the day I paid my last payment. I thought that was funny until realized so many people don't pay their medical bills but many aren't dead-beats, they just need to put food on the table and give up on their astronomical sized, Nazi of a medical bill.
Don't give up when you have a credit. If a hospital or a physician's office owes YOU money, then you need to get your money. Don't be fooled by the "We only cut checks at the middle or end of the month." Trust me, the middle or the end of the month will come and in all likelihood your check won't. Once I had a credit that I didn't even know about. I learned of it almost two years later. Wow! They had my money for two years. I should have asked for interest. Following my second child's birth, I had yet another credit but this time I found out exactly a year later when I went for my yearly physical. It took me three months to get a check for close to $200. I felt like sending them remittance letters. Man, that would have been hilarious. Maybe I'll do that next time. Point being, they want their money right away but they will take their sweet time getting your money back to you. Again, nobody is looking out for you but you.
These are just a few basic things one can do to at least feel somewhat in control. Everyone has debt just as everyone has bills, but often times it's those medical bills that leave people out in the cold. Literally, they leave people out in the cold because they lose their house or sell their house because they just can't afford it following an illness or accident. Life is expensive but it's better than the alternative. Be prepared, be smart and be strong. Those bills don't have to get the best of you.
You should always know your benefits. Read that hefty book the insurance company sends you. It might make all the difference. Don't think that just because you pay for your insurance that somehow everything will just be taken care of. It doesn't work that way. Be your own advocate because nobody else is going to look out for you. Once I had to fight to get my son a certain allergy medication. Luckily, I had read the book (I know it almost seems like I'm referring to The Bible). I knew that he had to try the other allergy medications before the insurance would pay for the new allergy medication. He tried them all and none worked. He wasn't even in elementary school and it was horrible to see him feeling under the weather at least 9 months out of the year. Well, I knew that once the doctor signed off on the new medication and verified that my son had tried all other covered allergy medications, our insurance would have to pay for the new medication. Let me tell you that I had to stay on the phone for hours and go from person to person to make it happen. I made it happen. Believe me, it was not pretty but I was right and I knew I was right. I had it in writing even though several people with my insurance company tried to tell me that I was wrong. Guess what, he got his medicine and guess what else, I paid a co-pay and nothing more.
Following a hospital stay, you should always request an itemized bill. See what you are being charged for. You might be surprised to see that there are medications you never received or procedures that never took place. It happens a lot more than you might think. Hospitals send out countless bills and errors happen. One error might cost you BIG.
Make sure to read the statements that come from your insurance carrier. Read them. Don't scan them or glance over them, READ them. Regardless of being covered by a private carrier such as BCBS or Medicaid or Medicare, you need to read your statements. Years ago, following the birth of my first son, I became a victim of double billing. It was horrible. I knew my insurance had paid for the many tests that I had had due to preeclampsia. I knew because I read the statements. This company that I will not name, but I really, really want to name, continued to send bill after bill (killing God knows how many trees) and made threatening call after threatening call. I pay my bills. I paid my bills. The thought of being categorized as a deadbeat was almost too much to bear. I think they knew that. I also think they knew that I would pay because I feared my credit being ruined or my name being tarnished. I didn't pay. I was young but I was not stupid and was not going to be manipulated. I got on the phone and called anyone and everyone that would listen. I was twenty and quite capable of making good use of a phone book. I don't remember the woman I talked to and I don't even remember who she worked for but I do remember the outcome. I had talked to many, many people that day and finally this one woman listened to me. I told her everything. She told me not to worry about it and she would take care of it. Less than an hour later, she called back and told me it was taken care of. The calls stopped as did the killing of the trees. I do know she worked for some government office. I wish remembered but again I was twenty and was happy to have it taken care of. Today, I would have filed that woman's name and number away. Just know that this goes on. It happened to my grandfather some years ago and he too eventually got it to stop. It is very sad that this goes on but again you can take a stand and show you will not be one of those that gives in. I do worry about those that are terminally ill and just can't fight anymore. It's just another reason for those can fight to fight.
Let your insurance carrier and the hospital work things out before you open your wallet. Eight hours after having my second child, a woman with a clipboard came into my room and asked, "Will that be cash, check or charge?" I was dumbfounded. Maybe it was the drugs but I'm pretty sure it was just good ole' fashioned shock. They wanted close to $1400 right there. I had not even left yet. I had another day to go before I could leave. It didn't make sense. I told her to bill me. My bill came and it was not $1400. I think it was $1200. Hey, I'm glad I got to keep my $200. I also made a phone call to the hospital billing department and requested to be put on a no interest payment plan. I wasn't going to charge $1200 and I wasn't going to shell out $1200 cash. I paid it off in less than two years and I didn't have to worry about it. I was told congratulations the day I paid my last payment. I thought that was funny until realized so many people don't pay their medical bills but many aren't dead-beats, they just need to put food on the table and give up on their astronomical sized, Nazi of a medical bill.
Don't give up when you have a credit. If a hospital or a physician's office owes YOU money, then you need to get your money. Don't be fooled by the "We only cut checks at the middle or end of the month." Trust me, the middle or the end of the month will come and in all likelihood your check won't. Once I had a credit that I didn't even know about. I learned of it almost two years later. Wow! They had my money for two years. I should have asked for interest. Following my second child's birth, I had yet another credit but this time I found out exactly a year later when I went for my yearly physical. It took me three months to get a check for close to $200. I felt like sending them remittance letters. Man, that would have been hilarious. Maybe I'll do that next time. Point being, they want their money right away but they will take their sweet time getting your money back to you. Again, nobody is looking out for you but you.
These are just a few basic things one can do to at least feel somewhat in control. Everyone has debt just as everyone has bills, but often times it's those medical bills that leave people out in the cold. Literally, they leave people out in the cold because they lose their house or sell their house because they just can't afford it following an illness or accident. Life is expensive but it's better than the alternative. Be prepared, be smart and be strong. Those bills don't have to get the best of you.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Dear John
It seems when the media is not covering Tiger Woods and his many, many indiscretions (oh boy, was it many), they are focusing on John Edwards. Well, I thought I liked John Edwards and now I only feel contempt for the man. He lied. Actually, he had lied on countless occasions about his affair. He's a politician, so yeah, I'm sure he has done his share of lying before the whole, I didn't cheat, I cheated but it wasn't serious, I cheated but I didn't father a child, I cheated and I had a child with my lover, debacle. Anyone who has read All the King's Men gets it. It happens all the time. People, we don't live in the days of George Washington. Our voices quickly get drowned out by promises of money, power, and did I mention money? They go to Washington with high hopes and leave richer and wondering what they initially went there to do. When they get back to their home state mansions, they laugh it up and write their memoirs with dollar signs in their eyes. Stepping down off of my soap box, I return to the subject of John and his mistress, who by the way has horrible tastes in clothing. Have you seen the picture of her with the star on her sweater? Nice. Look, I was fortunate enough to hear Elizabeth Edwards speak at my college graduation. She was amazing. The woman is strong and intelligent and I believe good. I hate to see that some are blaming her for her husband's inability to take responsibility for his actions. She doesn't have to accept what happened. I'm sorry but she doesn't. The baby is innocent, yes, but it's not her baby as she has had her children. It was never her place to right her husband's wrong. It was the place of her husband and his mistress to accept they had a child together and embrace the child. John Edwards needed to step up and be a man. I do not believe that he was thinking of his wife when he made the decision to deny his child. He wasn't thinking of his wife before when he had an affair. Truth is, he went to great lengths to keep his affair and child secret. Don't even get me started on Andrew Young, the man that agreed to say HE had the affair and HE fathered the child. He's just as low in my book. Speaking of books, I won't be buying his tell all if it ever gets published. I think he got enough money when he was paid off to lie. It's just sad. The whole situation is sad. The seven children that are involved are the ones I feel most sorry for. I'm speaking of the four Edwards children, including the newest member and then there are the three children of Andrew Young. They are branded and they themselves did nothing wrong.
As far as Elizabeth Edwards, I think she has had more tragedy in her life than most will face. I don't pity her because I think that diminishes her strength. I envy her because she has continued to hold her head high and kept going. She didn't fall apart or at least she hasn't fallen apart before the eyes of the world. She wrote a book but she never mentioned the mistress. I think that was a sign of who she is. She could bash the woman that went after her husband and she could bash the man that broke her heart. She hasn't. I'm not going to bash them either accept for that little remark about the sweater. The rest is true. John Edwards lied. He needs to fix his family. He needs to be there for his children and he needs to start respecting the woman who had a great hand in his accomplishments and who took the high road.
Dear John,
Your life in politics is over. You no longer need to worry about the voters. You need to invest all of your time making up to those you wronged, your family. You made a lot of mistakes that only you can make up for. It's not your wife's job to foster a relationship between your newest child and your other children. It's your job. It's time to be a man. Good luck and I hope you succeed.
P.S. If you know Tiger, please inform him that hiding in a clinic does not make up for what he did to his wife and children. Claiming to be a sex addict does not get him off the hook and right his wrongs. Again, much luck in repairing your family.
As far as Elizabeth Edwards, I think she has had more tragedy in her life than most will face. I don't pity her because I think that diminishes her strength. I envy her because she has continued to hold her head high and kept going. She didn't fall apart or at least she hasn't fallen apart before the eyes of the world. She wrote a book but she never mentioned the mistress. I think that was a sign of who she is. She could bash the woman that went after her husband and she could bash the man that broke her heart. She hasn't. I'm not going to bash them either accept for that little remark about the sweater. The rest is true. John Edwards lied. He needs to fix his family. He needs to be there for his children and he needs to start respecting the woman who had a great hand in his accomplishments and who took the high road.
Dear John,
Your life in politics is over. You no longer need to worry about the voters. You need to invest all of your time making up to those you wronged, your family. You made a lot of mistakes that only you can make up for. It's not your wife's job to foster a relationship between your newest child and your other children. It's your job. It's time to be a man. Good luck and I hope you succeed.
P.S. If you know Tiger, please inform him that hiding in a clinic does not make up for what he did to his wife and children. Claiming to be a sex addict does not get him off the hook and right his wrongs. Again, much luck in repairing your family.
Friday, January 22, 2010
But I Neeeeed It
I've started a new thing. I'm budgeting. Why? I thought it was about time. I began wondering how much I could save if I decided to forgo that Starbucks cup of coffee or that wrapping paper that happens to be on super sale. I've curbed my trips to Target and Gap and sadly to Starbucks. It's working. By God, it is really working. Money isn't growing on trees but it suddenly seems like I have more of it. Several days ago, I went into Gap for the first time in almost a month. I came out empty handed. Yes, I found a pair of beautiful black jeans that fit magnificently. I talked myself out of them. It was a proud moment. I also managed to tear myself away from both Baby Gap and Gap Kids with a sense of accomplishment. Usually, I leave there feeling overwhelmed with buyers remorse. My children have more clothes than they know what to do with. I have more clothes than I know what to do with. I think I was somewhat hooked on the rush that I got following a shopping spree. It's sad when you find yourself feeling excited about the gift bag you found on an end cap that happens to be 90% off. Did I need the gift bag? Was there even a birthday in my near future? Usually, no. Instead I would put the gift bag with the rest of my gift bags and then forget about it. I have countless stories like the gift bag story. Replace the gift bag with a candle, a teeny tiny frame that requires a picture to be hacked to death, a ginormous frame that would take up an entire wall, a shirt that looked better on the rack, socks for my 10 year old (like he cares), dvds that are still wrapped in plastic, note cards (I have a drawer that is full of them), Christmas gifts for the next Christmas, and my own personal kryptonite, Gap clothing. I love Gap. Love it. I love the clearance section. I love when they give an extra % off the clearance section. Do I need another sweater? Does Grayson need another shirt that is two shirts in one? Does Daniel need more button down shirts? Does Jake need more pajamas? Okay, no Jake does not need more pajamas but as I was writing that very sentence, I couldn't help but think of a pair that I really want to get him for Easter. They're also super soft. See, I'm doing it again. He doesn't need the pajamas. He has 8 pairs of pajamas. I now feel ashamed after writing that number. He does not need anymore pajamas. The madness stops here.
I started thinking about college. I want to be able to put my kids through college which might include more than the undergraduate years. If I can't, what am I going to tell them? I don't think it will go over well when I say, "Grayson, I can't pay for school but here are some pictures of you in that awesome outfit I bought for your 10th b-day party." or "Jake, I'm sorry about the whole college thing, but at least you had really fashionable pajamas. Did I mention they were soft?" It's utter insanity.
Today, I really enjoyed my cup of coffee that did not come from Starbucks. It tasted sweet, almost of perfection. I think it was a combination of Italian Cream and the satisfaction in knowing I didn't pay $4.30 for it. Next time you go to throw that lovely set of photo albums into your cart (you know, the ones that probably won't get any pictures put in them), just ask yourself one question: Do I need it? Chances are, you only want it or if you want to stoop to a seven year old's rationalization, you neeeeeed it, meaning you only want it. Plant that money tree and one day you might have an entire forest. Note to self, I think I like the sound of that.
I started thinking about college. I want to be able to put my kids through college which might include more than the undergraduate years. If I can't, what am I going to tell them? I don't think it will go over well when I say, "Grayson, I can't pay for school but here are some pictures of you in that awesome outfit I bought for your 10th b-day party." or "Jake, I'm sorry about the whole college thing, but at least you had really fashionable pajamas. Did I mention they were soft?" It's utter insanity.
Today, I really enjoyed my cup of coffee that did not come from Starbucks. It tasted sweet, almost of perfection. I think it was a combination of Italian Cream and the satisfaction in knowing I didn't pay $4.30 for it. Next time you go to throw that lovely set of photo albums into your cart (you know, the ones that probably won't get any pictures put in them), just ask yourself one question: Do I need it? Chances are, you only want it or if you want to stoop to a seven year old's rationalization, you neeeeeed it, meaning you only want it. Plant that money tree and one day you might have an entire forest. Note to self, I think I like the sound of that.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Loving Some Sam Isaac & Spoon
This is short and sweet. I downloaded some pretty awesome music after watching a "Chuck" episode. Here are the songs:
Sam Isaac- "Bears"
Spoon- "Got Nuffin"
That's all for today.
Sam Isaac- "Bears"
Spoon- "Got Nuffin"
That's all for today.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
I'll Have More Meat Loaf
It's been seventeen years since the day my mother and father decided their marriage was not working. January 14th was the anniversary of the day my parents told me they were getting a divorce. I always think that maybe that day will come and go and that helpless feeling followed by the flashback won't haunt me. It has yet to happen. I don't wish for my parents to get back together and I don't blame them for what happened. I do often wonder how two people can be in love and together for such a long time and then find they're not in love anymore and go their separate ways. My parents were together for around sixteen years including the time they dated. My father took my mother to her senior prom. Today, they don't speak and the only connection they have to one another is me. They had this life that just stopped existing. The joint bank account, the house, the cars, the pets, the dinners around the kitchen table, the vacations, the same friends, the in-laws and the kid, were no longer shared together. One life became two lives and that was that. Two people that once shared the same home no longer even shared the same zip code. Court dates, custody and child support hearings and every other weekend became the norm. Two lives.
My parents went on to find happiness with others and for that I am grateful. I went on to become normal or for the most part normal. I don't blame the divorce for any of my shortcomings. I don't think it was for the best; I know it was for the best. In their case, two lives was much better than one. It's funny that I can still recount the exact day and they can't. I guess they finally moved on and perhaps they don't blame one another for everything including a rainy day or a headache caused by nothing more than sinuses. I was forever changed on that day and I guess that's why I can't seem to get through it without a sense of loss. A life ended that day. Everything that symbolized that life was sold or split in half, that is with one exception....me. They have a thirty year old reminder of what they once shared. And that reminder hasn't forgotten nor will she ever forget.
There was good before there was bad. Who knew that Meat Loaf's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" would be a song that I would hold dear to my heart. It's a memory, you know of the life that once was. It came on the radio and my parents started singing to one another and they were obviously happy. I thought it was kind of crazy but I was seven and also enjoyed watching them as they made fools of themselves. They loved one another in that moment and that makes me smile. My parents didn't find themselves "praying for the end of time" because time just gave out. I'll continue to smile whenever I hear that song and I'll also keep that prom picture, the one of of my father in a blue tux and my mother in a dress that her mother made, stored safely away. January 14th wasn't a good day but there were good days. Every time I look in the mirror I know that I represent one of those days. So, I say thank you, Momma and Daddy for giving me some fantastic memories and pretty hilarious photographs and thank you, Meat Loaf for an awesome song that will forever have a place on my ipod.
My parents went on to find happiness with others and for that I am grateful. I went on to become normal or for the most part normal. I don't blame the divorce for any of my shortcomings. I don't think it was for the best; I know it was for the best. In their case, two lives was much better than one. It's funny that I can still recount the exact day and they can't. I guess they finally moved on and perhaps they don't blame one another for everything including a rainy day or a headache caused by nothing more than sinuses. I was forever changed on that day and I guess that's why I can't seem to get through it without a sense of loss. A life ended that day. Everything that symbolized that life was sold or split in half, that is with one exception....me. They have a thirty year old reminder of what they once shared. And that reminder hasn't forgotten nor will she ever forget.
There was good before there was bad. Who knew that Meat Loaf's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" would be a song that I would hold dear to my heart. It's a memory, you know of the life that once was. It came on the radio and my parents started singing to one another and they were obviously happy. I thought it was kind of crazy but I was seven and also enjoyed watching them as they made fools of themselves. They loved one another in that moment and that makes me smile. My parents didn't find themselves "praying for the end of time" because time just gave out. I'll continue to smile whenever I hear that song and I'll also keep that prom picture, the one of of my father in a blue tux and my mother in a dress that her mother made, stored safely away. January 14th wasn't a good day but there were good days. Every time I look in the mirror I know that I represent one of those days. So, I say thank you, Momma and Daddy for giving me some fantastic memories and pretty hilarious photographs and thank you, Meat Loaf for an awesome song that will forever have a place on my ipod.
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